Wow, what a wild ride.
i am at a loss for words, months ago i could never have imagined that my life would take such a turn even in my greatest fantasies. i said it many times in this profile that what we show on social media is definitely the most beautiful part of our lives and i must say that i've come a long way to get here. anxiety ate up my life for so many years, i used to have anxiety attacks and throw up everything every time i had to do something, i was ashamed of that and afraid to do so many things because of people's judgment that i thought i would never be able to do anything again, this condition made me depressed for at least a year and getting out of it was one of the hardest challenges of my life, I thought for a long time that I would never again redeem myself to experience anything, to be happy again, to do what I like to do, during covid I felt even more lonely and isolated and not being able to do the slightest thing did not help my condition.
then I met some really special people and I was faced with the opportunity to be able to have all these experiences with them, I wondered if I would be able to deal with them and at every "no" that my anxiety forced itself on me I looked past it and jumped in every time, thank God I did it, thank god I had the stubbornness and the courage not to let what has haunted me for so long win and I know that sounds easy to say but for me it was one of the hardest challenges to face.
I wanted to live, I wanted to have fun, to do everything that others did and I envied so much but most of all I wanted to see timothee the person who unknowingly in part helped me come out of this loop, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have met the amazing people who are now family to me, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have had all these experiences and I wouldn't have had the courage to push myself further and the strength to do it just so I could see him two seconds and say thank you for everything.
In truth I still haven't officially been able to do it in person because I know if I did I would cry all my tears and end up flooding everything but in my letter to him I feel that l've been able to honor everything he has done for me and to thank him, it may not sound like much but the fact that he remembered my words and that they made his day is the best thing that has ever happened to me in forever. Another thank you from the bottom of my heart goes to my BFFs, my safe place, the people who despite everything stood by me and saw every facet of me from the most beautiful to the ugliest and accepted it making me feel for the first time part of something, never different, never judged but most of all never alone, I speak from the bottom of my heart when I say that to this day I would be much less brave without you and "thank you" is reductive to express the love and gratitude I feel for you.
My heart is full now, there are so many videos and so many photos that I could not include in this post, so many experiences I could tell, so many moments and laughs and craziness that I will always carry in my heart and for which I will always be eternally grateful.
A special thank you also goes to Taylor Russell, the most beautiful, sweet talented and spontaneous girl I have ever met who has welcomed me and my friends ever so warmly at every event and whom I hope will carry us in her heart just as we carry and will always carry her in ours, we'll be your babydolls forever and we'll support you until the end.
Finally, a huge thank you also goes to Bones&All and Luca Guadagnino because cinema is not just cinema and movies are not just simple movies, making movies and doing it well means telling stories, stories of people going through things that are not that far from us despite being on the screen in front of us. Personally I think Bones&All speaks to me and to all people who at least once in their lives have felt lonely, different and have been eaten up by the fear of judgment or even just the fear of being who they are, if there is one thing I have learned in this three-month long journey it is that you should not be ashamed of who you are, what we are is part of our uniqueness and is an added value.
At the end of this journey I just feel like saying thank you to timothee, to my friends, to taylor, to luca, to all the people who have supported me during these months on this page, to all the wonderful people i've met, to life because it has given me so much and I hope it can continue to give me more and to myself because for the first time I feel like I can say I made it, it was the best three months of my entire existence and if I could rewind the tape and relive it all I would do it without a shadow of a doubt. This is the end of an era for me but not the end of my experiences, so this is not a farewell it is just a goodbye, till the next event.
With all my love. 🫀
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